The Shape I have Become

 
It has been some time since I began walking on my own.

I sometimes wonder
how I am remembered by the friends I once knew—
what kind of person I am in their memories.

From time to time,
I find myself trying to remember who I was
at a certain point along the way.

The world around me changes,
as do the conversations I have,
and a different version of myself continues to take shape.

Once, I could simply imagine a distant future
and live only in the moment.


I can no longer do that.

So many things do not unfold as I imagined,
and I have come to realize
that what once seemed so far away
lies on the very same path as this moment.

Sometimes, that realization leaves me unable to move.

As the distance between ideals and reality grows,
even the shape of who I am begins to change.

Eventually, I can no longer remember the shape I once had,
and it is only the past, blurred by time, that seems beautiful.

Among the many people I encounter,
there are those who make me think,
“I wish I could live like that.”

They turn their thoughts into sails
and their weights into anchors,
moving freely, yet steadily toward what feels true.

The things that have changed
are what carry me forward.

I simply did not carry them
when I was young and unburdened.

I was only lighter then.

Now, I can set my own sails
and lower my own anchor.

With a shape that has changed,
I will move forward freely.